Minimalism Can Help Your Marriage

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Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Lori Lowe, who blogs at MarriageGems.com and is the author of FIRST KISS TO LASTING BLISS: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage which has been released today at LoriDLowe.com.

First Kiss to Lasting Bliss

Materialism is Inconsistent with Strong Marriages

Those of you who are choosing to live a more simple life may be heartened to know your decision bodes well for your marriage. Recent research has shown no matter what your income levels, a high level of materialism is correlated with marriages that struggle more, and that marriages with lower levels of materialism have higher levels of satisfaction. If both spouses are materialistic, the marriage has further struggles. Read more about this study on materialism and marital happiness.

Margaret and Phil are an example of a couple who choose to live in a counter-cultural way. Early in their marriage, they made a conscious decision not to accumulate too many possessions, and not to change their lifestyle as their incomes rose. Since Phil’s parents grew up in the Great Depression, he adopted some of their frugal ways, for example fixing what breaks instead of automatically buying new. They maintain an uncluttered, organized home.

I interviewed Phil and Margaret for my book, First Kiss to Lasting Bliss: Hope & Inspiration for Your Marriage, which profiles couples who overcame various challenges from drug addiction to infertility, child loss, infidelity, financial crises, military separation, depression, brain injury, stranger rape, opposing religions, disruptive families and much more. But this couple was an example for more of what they did right than for the obstacles that tripped them up. They made conscious lifestyle decisions early in their marriage that has guided them for decades.

When Phil was in medical school and Margaret was a teacher, it was easy to not accumulate too much, because they had very little money. As their incomes increased, they earmarked funds for charity, for mission trips, or long-term goals, such as the education of their two children. Their lifestyle choices allowed them to keep their priorities in check. For instance, Phil chose to provide medical care for indigent patients and doesn’t work overly long hours to advance his career. They have both been very satisfied in the ways they contribute to society and are satisfied with what they have materially.

Making mission trips with their young children also contributed to their view that they didn’t need more materialistic goods to be happy. They found many of the very poor people they met in travels were exceedingly happy despite their financial poverty. Phil and Margaret also have a strong faith that leads them to be generous with what they have.

More than 30 years into their marriage, they have no financial conflict in their marriage and are satisfied with what they have. They enjoy their four grandchildren. While Phil still works, Margaret is retired and has time for volunteer work that she finds fulfilling.

It’s so natural in our society to long for a bigger house, a nicer car, or finer clothes. This is not only because of ubiquitous advertising images, but also because we see friends and neighbors obtaining these goods regularly, whether they can afford to or not. But what do we trade those things for?

My husband and I made a conscious decision early in our marriage to not accumulate any credit card debt and to be wise with our spending. That includes the holiday season, which can be very difficult to manage without overbuying. However, I can also say that being in synch financially has allowed us to avoid virtually all financial conflict in our marriage. The freedom gained from living within our means far exceeds the joy we would obtain from accumulating more.

Experts say materialism often leads to poor financial decisions, resulting in debt and higher stress levels. They add that materialistic individuals spend less time nurturing their relationships with people and more time acquiring things, while non-materialistic people place a higher priority on relationships.

Don’t be afraid to make your own decisions about your lifestyle, even if it’s different from the culture that surrounds you. Invest in your marriage, and it will pay big dividends.

To learn about the other couples featured in the book, visit www.Facebook.com/LastingBliss. For more information about Lori or to purchase the book, visit www.LoriDLowe.com.

First Kiss to Lasting Bliss

Thank you so much for the opportunity to join you today on Adventure-Some.com!

Adventures in Dating

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I love dating, even though I don’t get to go out as much as I’d prefer. That’s just part of being alive, unfortunately… never enough time. One of the awesome things about being married? You always have a date.

My wife and I love exploring, trying new things, and going new places. Many of our dates feature these activities in some fashion. Because we have been living in the same place for the last few years, however, we have noticed that our dates have fallen into the dinner and a movie rut.

And after years of exploring, dinner and a movie doesn’t always fit the bill. Sometimes we want something more. That might mean a treasure hunt where each clue leads to the next stage of the date or a date that has had details trickled out via a note a day over the course of a week. The only trouble is that figuring out the details those dates takes time. And that takes us back to the original issue: not enough time.

To solve this issue and ensure that my wife and I can focus on each other, we started keeping a list of our favorite date ideas. That way we always had ideas when we needed them.

It occurred to me that we might not be the only ones who fall back on dinner and a movie habit. Finally, I took my list and wrote an easy-to-read guide, Ready-to-go Dates. It ended up having 20 date ideas that take less than 20 minutes of preparation. Though I had more ideas, I only included ones that can be done anywhere.

Cover of "Ready-to-go Dates"

The final draft is actually at my editor right now, but I was too excited to wait. Following the Cult of Done manifesto I decided to go ahead and make it available now. The edited version will be automatically sent out to those who pick up a copy of the current draft.

You can get yours here. Go and check it out!

Schooling and Education

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I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
~ Mark Twain

I’m graduating from college in a few weeks as a certified artist. One of the common questions is “are you going to grad school?”

Though I contemplated it for a short while, the answer is an adamant no. Going on to get a master’s degree can be a great thing, and I won’t completely rule it out as a future possibility. However, in addition to being pretty thoroughly tired of school at the moment, I just don’t see where I can join a program that will justify its cost.

While looking at different masters programs I came to realize that what they teach is pretty simple. It doesn’t really matter what the school is, whether the University of Kentucky or Yale, the basic program is the same. Since I was specifically looking at Masters in Fine Arts programs I will use them as an example.

    Here are the 6 steps that you have to complete in order to receive an MFA:

  1. Create a lot of work
  2. and get a lot of feedback on it
  3. from all of the other artists you are meeting.
  4. While learning where you fit in/relate to art history
  5. and contemporary art.
  6. Then, to prove that the school has done its job, have a solo show.

Though the schools might disagree (and I’ve had at least a couple of teachers do so), I don’t feel that a school is required to meet those requirements. They aren’t the only repository of information. It doesn’t have to cost tens of thousands of dollars to learn to become an artist. (Or many other things, unless you are looking at a career that requires some sort of licensing to enter the field.)

So I’m not going to work toward a master’s degree at the moment. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t be continuing my education. In fact, I will be branching out, and am likely to be learning more than when I was in school.

If I decide to put that artist certification to use? That spare bedroom can become a studio space, I can go out and meet other artists (more than ever before are accessible, because of the internet) and ask them to give me advice about my work while using the internet and library to look up artists and learn more about their work and how it relates to mine. I can approach galleries to have a solo show, or easily host my own.

Maybe the business minor will be of more interest to me and I’ll expand my reading list to include the Personal MBA book selection and I’ll have the knowledge equivalence of an MBA. 99 books? I can read that in a year, no problem.

Perhaps I’ll do a little of both. Continue creating art and growing as an artist while reading some business books to get a better understanding of how that world works. Maybe I’ll throw in some other topics just for the fun of it.

Either way, I might be done with school, but my education is certainly not over.

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.
~ Mark Twain’s Notebook

Real Life Continues

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In a few weeks I will be graduating from college with a BA in Art Studio and Business and Art History minors. I suppose that makes me a Certified Artist.

And this whole graduation thing begs the most common question of all: “So what do you plan to do?”

Well, the same as I have been doing, without the time-suck of classes and homework. An ever-present goal is to be the best husband that I can, so my wife will continue to be a focus of my life. I will continue working at the same place that I had before, though I was recently promoted (partially because of the upcoming time available). My personal reading list won’t have to be set to the side because of school assignments. I will continue to sketch and write as I have been.

So I guess that the real answer is, continue “living my life.” After all, the 4.5 years that I’ve spent in college were a part of my real life, not some sort of practice. Getting married, living in Ireland with my wife for four months, losing some close family members, and paying cash for my motorcycle were all the real deal. And now, I get to do even more of it.

What I Am Tracking

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I mentioned that I have implemented a daily tracking system but didn’t go into great detail about what exactly I’m tracking. If you’re interested, here are those details.

    What I’m tracking

  • Wake time – Between my wife and I’s school and work schedules, our daily routine fluctuates greatly. Out of curiosity I’ve started noting what time I actually wake up each day. There is a strong possibility that I will also start noting what my mood is during the day, as I assume these (combined with my sleep amount) strongly reflect each other.
  • How long sleep? – Likely just as important as wake time, I will eventually compare this metric with other items such as how I feel during the day, mood, energy level, etc.
  • Did I floss? – A habit that I’m trying to build, and that I’ve noticed is much easier to do when I have this external motivation to do it.
  • Active? – I explained this in the previous post. Working up from being fairly sedentary to more active each day.
  • Productive? – I have so many projects going on each day that it’s easiest to simply note if I did some worthwhile work each day than anything more specific. The goal is to do something that moves a project forward. Tiny steps consistently done will help me get to my destination.
  • Network? – Take at least one action each day to connect with another person. This may be a business, scholarly, or personal connection. It can be a face-to-face meeting or a quick email. Like the productivity goal, a consistent effort in connecting with people will help me grow a strong network over time.
  • Write love note for my wife? – Sometimes it is easy to overlook writing a daily love note for my wife, but this daily reminder is helping me to meet that goal.
  • Complete school work? – There is always something to be done, even if it’s not due just yet. Why not go ahead and do something, so that it’s not all left till the last minute.
  • Read? – I read a lot, but so much of it is online or purely for school. I am making myself read some for personal reasons, whether it is fiction or non-fiction.
  • Sketch something? – I will soon be a certified artist. To build on that I am in the process of incorporating art into my daily life on a more regular basis. Like networking and being productive, the goal is to simply work on art in some form each day with the knowledge that a lot of little steps will help me to achieve long-term goals.
  • Drink more water than other types of beverage? – I’ve noticed that when I don’t drink enough water I run out of energy fairly quickly. To further complicate matters I’ve noticed that I might drink a lot (coffee, juice, tea, etc) but they aren’t as effective as water. So the goal is to drink more water than anything else. – So far, so good. Consciously being aware of this has helped me to feel better for the last week.

It’s amazing how such big goals can be condensed down into one or two word questions, each of which can be tracked so simply. Those tiny, daily steps make huge progress possible, and far faster than one would expect.

What daily steps can you take toward your goals?

Tracking Equals Improvement

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Have you ever tried to implement a new habit in your life and struggled? I have, all too often. Recently I stumbled across Sebastian’s posts about his personal tracking system and decided to try it out for myself. In roughly a week I’ve gone through three different versions of my own tracking system as I’ve worked to discover the version that works the best for me, personally.

The basic idea

“What gets measured gets managed.”
This is a principle that I’ve run across in a variety of business books, but that can be applied to most aspects of one’s life. The simple act of actively noticing (measuring) something forces you to be conscious of it. As you grow conscious of the results and inputs that cause them you will automatically change the inputs to help achieve the desired results.

“You don’t want to break the chain.”
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld measures his productivity by getting a big calendar and crossing off each day that he actively writes with a big red X. After a few days he has a chain of X’s, and then his only goal is to not break the chain. As the chain grows longer the motivation to not break it grows stronger.

My current tracking system

My tracking system combines these two ideas in a very easy-to-use, mobile format. I’ve used a piece of grid-lined paper that easily fits into my pocket so that I always have it available. There are 8 columns: one for each day of the week, and one with a list of the 11 tasks/projects that I want to complete/track. For each item I simply check it off once completed, put a dash if I don’t, or write down the information that I want to track. The checks quickly formed a chain that I don’t want to break, encouraging me to keep completing the tasks each day.

    What I’m tracking

  • Wake time
  • How long sleep?
  • Did I floss?
  • Active?
  • Productive?
  • Network?
  • Write love note for my wife?
  • Complete school work?
  • Read?
  • Sketch something?
  • Drink more water than other types of beverage?

Start simply

It would be easy to add a lot of detail to this system, quickly making it cumbersome and something that I wouldn’t actually use on a daily basis. To stop myself from doing this I’ve tried to keep each item to something that can be tracked with a single number or Yes/No answer. Each of these represent a personal goal that I am currently working on, so over time the list will change.

Simple goals
I have become rather sedentary and am working back into a regular exercise routine. Instead of jumping into something that I wouldn’t sustain, though, I have set the goal of simply being active each day. This might mean going and playing a physical game, talking a walk, or working out. This simple goal empowers me to complete it instead of limiting myself to a specific activity, location, or required equipment.

Simple tracking
It takes only a few seconds to note what time I woke up and calculate how long I slept (to the nearest 10 minutes). A yes/no response is very quick to write down. The only further details that I am recording is what action I take to network each day, a few words that mention how I contacted what person. Because it takes so little time and I can always have the paper with me I have made this as easy as possible for myself. Since the answers are so easy I don’t have to remember a lot of details and can record all of them at a single time if I need to.

Simple archiving
A piece of paper folded and stuck in one’s pocket doesn’t last for a terribly long time, but I do want to store the results in order to compare them over time. To do this I have created a spreadsheet that is stored online with the same categories. It takes only a few minutes each week to transfer the information from the paper to digital version, and then I have the entire history available to compare.

Quick improvements

Over the last week I have spent less than a total of twenty minutes and begun to build good habits (flossing daily), become more productive (creating on a new business), and started noticing patterns in my life (sleep and mood).

What would you like to change and improve in your life? You need only a few minutes each day to get there.

Melbourne’s Top Boutique Hotels

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This is a guest post from Emily Buckley, a travel writer who has visited the vibrant city of Melbourne many times and loves sharing her finds with Hotel Club.

If you’re tired of staying in chain hotels that look the same wherever you go, where you are just one of hundreds of other guests that check-in and check-out every day, then perhaps a boutique hotel will be more your style. Unique, sometimes quirky, full of little touches, and often small in size, these boutique hotels in Melbourne that we found from HotelClub.com are guaranteed to make your trip memorable.

Hotel Lindrum

This hotel has the benefit of being right in the heart of the city centre, yet without compromising on charm and character. First built in the early 1900s, the red brick Romanesque Revival style building was originally owned by tea merchants before becoming the headquarters for a newspaper and, finally, a beloved billiards hall. The stylish and cosy bar and billiard room now features one of the original billiard tables from the 60s. The hotel cleverly mixes heritage items with contemporary design and offers lots of lovely little extras such as free wireless internet and the loan of iPads.

The Cullen

This is the hotel of choice for lovers of contemporary art. The quirky hotel is named after Adam Cullen, one of Australia’s most controversial contemporary artists, whose art is featured throughout the hotel. His signature bright splashes of colour can be found everywhere and both the architecture and the design is influenced by his work. Rooms are spacious and feature kitchenettes, incredibly stylish contemporary furniture and ridiculously comfortable beds. Again, the focus is on the little extras – the minibars are
stocked with treats from the nearby Prahran Markets, iPods containing extensive playlists can be rented, as can Smart Cars, electric scooters and Classic Kronan bicycles.

The Lyall

Melbourne’s only privately owned and operated 5 star hotel, the award-winning Lyall screams luxury yet offers the intimacy and personality of a small hotel. Details such as a mini art gallery on each floor featuring the work of a local artist, a welcoming open fireplace in the lounge, a CD, DVD and book library, and bike rental, give it a home-away-from-home feel (albeit an uber-luxurious home!). Its one and two bedroom suites, Grand suites and Platinum Suite are furnished and decorated in a contemporary oriental style that is very conducive to winding down but if you need further relaxation the in-house spa is
excellent.

Pensione Hotel

If you want boutique style without having to fork out mega-bucks, the character-laden Pensione Hotel fits the bill nicely. Taking its cue from the friendly and stylish European pensione hotels, the boutique hotel is set in a stunning Victorian heritage-listed building with an interior that combines modern design, an earthy palette and original features. Its location in the heart of the trendy CBD, on the corner of Spencer and Flinders Streets, is unbeaten, as are its refreshingly low rates. The staff are incredibly friendly, the cafe and bar is fantastically chic, and there’s even a rooftop sundeck.

A leading accommodation website, Hotel Club offers deals on hotels across the globe, including many hotels in Melbourne.

Sharing Their World

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Have you ever wondered how other people see the world? I do. Fortunately, I recently realized how easily one can get an insight into another person’s viewpoint.

People interact with the world around them based on how they see it. So by watching someone go about their day, we can learn something about how the world looks to them.

  • A few days ago I was able to watch two skateboarders filming a video of some tricks. Skater A held the camera and moved along following the action as Skater B performed the same sequence of tricks over and over. From my vantage point (both physically and knowledge-wise) I could not tell any difference in most of the takes (the ones where the board was left behind during a jump were pretty obvious) but it was fun to watch them do the same moves for a number of minutes. Those 20 feet of sidewalk were far more interesting to them than I would have ever thought possible.
  • I complain about school. Quite often. Sitting in one of the campus coffee shops frequently helps me gain perspective. Fellow students come in and discuss their projects and I realize how much more time consuming my courses could be. Listening also provides the opportunity to vicariously experience the trials that other students seem to be putting themselves through; I am much more appreciative of my wife as I listen to the tangled relationships that I sometimes hear about.

Now, I don’t recommend spying on anyone. However, it’s almost hard not to notice the people around you once you have begun to think about it. Don’t force it; bask in the worlds that float around you as they pass by.

This is something that I’ve added to my weekly to-do list. Take a few minutes just to listen to the conversations around me or to take note of how people interact with the world as they see it. After all, learning from someone else’s point of view can’t be a bad thing.

What is something that you have noticed or learned from viewing someone else’s world?