Category: Planning

Life in Ireland with One Suitcase

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Have you ever come home from a trip and unpacked stuff that you never used? That won’t happen to me on this trip. I will return from nearly 5 months in Ireland having used everything that I brought. With some careful planning, I was able to fit everything for the trip in a single suitcase and carry-on backpack.

What worked:

  • I planned on dressing in layers to stay warm, and this system worked out quite well. Even with the worst winter in 40 years, I stayed warm and comfortable. I might not have looked properly outfitted, but with thermals, “regular” clothes and the rain jacket on for wind protection was more than enough.
  • My packtowel has been used for the entire trip and has worked splendidly. I have received a number of compliments and jealous looks on weekend excursions; my large bath towel fits into my toiletries bag, while other travelers’ towels took up half of their backpack.
  • The bar shampoo experiment. My bar of J.R. Liggett’s shampoo has lasted the entire trip and will still be in use after I return home. I am looking forward to returning to the Co-op where I purchased it and trying one of the other scents.

What could use some work:

  • Next time I will pack less in the way of clothing. The one dress outfit has only been worn when I pushed the laundry day too far back. Likewise, I could easily get by with fewer socks and underwear.
  • Both my wife and I could have brought less in the way of hobbies. She finished knitting a beautiful scarf for me, but has not used her knitting needles much otherwise.
  • I could pretty safely get by with less in the way of school supplies. It seemed like a waste to buy more when I already had so much at home, so I brought it with me. During orientation the library gave out pads of paper, and I have typed the notes for all but one of my classes. As a compulsive list-maker, the binder full of paper still came in quite handy.

It is quite a feeling to realize that you can comfortably live out of a suitcase. It is nice to know that we can safely pack up and head out to different lands without looking like this guy.

Maximize Your Money

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I have been accused of being a bit frugal. As a recently married college student whose wife is also a full-time student, I generally do my best to live up to that accusation. 😀 As a man of limited means, I try to get the most value out of any money that I spend.

This doesn’t mean that I always buy the cheapest that I can find. In fact, it often means that I will pay more in order to get better quality. This works out when the higher quality item doesn’t break and I don’t have to go purchase a replacement. It all depends on how I will be using the item: a one-time user can be cheap and disposable, but something I want to last generally needs to be better quality. So before making a purchase, I have to determine what I want the results to be.

This theory also works for other expenditures. I go white water rafting every year. There are two different rivers equally distant from my home. I have never been to one of the rivers, and have been going to the other for over a decade now. This is a simple decision for me to make each year. While I would love to visit the “new” river, which has a 4/5 rating, it will cost as much just to hire a raft as it does to spend an entire weekend at the “old” river, which has a 3/4 rating.

For less money, I can drive down to the old river, stay in a campground for two nights (or backpack and camp in the state forest for free), hike up into the mountains and go rock climbing/rappelling (free, since I have my own gear), explore a local cave, go white-water rafting, and then return home. All this for the cost of rafting the new river, and that doesn’t include food, transportation or any lodging.

All in all, I feel that I get much more value out of my money for the weekend trip, as I get to take part in a number of favorite activities and spend a longer amount of time doing it. I know what is more important to me in this case, and how to best reach my desired outcome.

Do you put much thought into your purchases? Do you only look at the price-tag or do you consider other, more important factors? Next time, whether it is something as small as paying an extra $1 for a preferred chocolate bar or going on a slightly less exciting trip that lasts much longer, picture your desired outcome as you decide what to purchase.

How Do You Define a Place?

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What makes somewhere worth visiting? After leaving, why do you gush about one place and forget another? I’m sure that everyone will answer these questions differently. However, there is an easy way to determine your personal definition of a place. Think about your favorite trip (or the one you dream about.) What first comes to mind? Is it the people, food, the landscape, music or something else? Whatever it is, that is how you define that place (it may be different for different places).

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The first few weeks my wife and I spent here in Ireland, we visited the largest cities. Dublin and Cork are fabulous places, full of amazing buildings and historic places. However, we came away less than thrilled. Neither of us are city people, we much prefer the wild places. When we pictured Ireland we both saw a rolling green countryside criss-crossed with stone walls, the fields dotted with sheep all watched over by thatched-roof buildings. The cities, of course, offered none of these things.

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Finally, we headed to Galway and spent all of one night there before heading out to The Burren (Irish for Rocky Place). This was the country that we had been picturing; we saw our rolling hills, endless stone walls and sheep. We also visited the Cliffs of Moher. (I got to wave “back home” across the ocean.) The weekend was far too short, and the bus did not stay at any of the stops nearly long enough. We will definitely be returning.

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When you go somewhere, be sure and seek out what really interests you. Don’t allow yourself to get caught in the trap of seeing what everyone else recommends! You might have different tastes than they do. Many of our fellow students are most interested in seeking out new pubs with traditional music. While we enjoy the music, we have no interest in visiting the pubs. So we seek out our own adventure.

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Our own adventure includes not only the amazing landscapes, but also local foods. We are visiting local eateries in search of traditional foods (and yes, this did include a stop at a pub for a pint… gotta try it out, after all!) Our collection of recipes is growing, so that we can prepare our favorites when we return home. You can see a soup recipe here.

As you can see your definition of a place might not be a single thing, but a combination. My wife and I view Ireland as the places, the food and the people. In the places where we don’t experience all of these things to our satisfaction, we will leave disappointed and they will slip from our minds. Once you know how you define a place, you will know what you need to search out in places you visit, to ensure that you have a fulfilling and warmly remembered experience.

Want 2 Extra Weeks Every Year?

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If you are like the average American*, you are spending over two weeks every year with your television! Just think how many more adventures you could have in two weeks!

How much television do you watch every day? Just one show? Assuming you watch a single hour-long show each day, that adds up to 365 hours each year: 15.2 days! You’re spending over two weeks staring at the TV! I know it doesn’t seem like much when you only watch a small amount at a time, but a small amount every day adds up quickly.

What if you watch more on weekends? If you watch an extra two hours on the weekend (one show each day), that is 104 more hours, bringing the yearly total up to 469 hours. That’s nearly three weeks! 19.5 days.

Many people complain that they don’t have enough vacation time, but those same people are often spending even more time just sitting in front of the TV. Don’t get me wrong, there are some great shows out there; some are fun to watch and some can be educational. I’ve even got a couple that I like to watch. However, I would rather really live my own life than watch someone else live theirs (whether it’s made up or not).

What to Do With This New-Found Time:

“But it’s only an hour a day, what can I do with an hour a day?” First of all, that’s just an excuse. Second, you can do a great deal in less than an hour a day. Here are some suggestions:

  • Spend more time with your family
  • Spend more time with your friends
  • Learn a New Skill
  • Pick Up an Old Skill
  • Baby Step toward your next adventure
  • Try out a new recipe each night
  • Spend more time on a current hobby

Because my time is not taken up by TV watching, I can pursue many of my other interests. I have a camping list prepared for a variety of different situations, and can be ready to go in an hour. This preparation allows me to be ready to go for spur of the moment trips. I am continually tinkering with my gear, modifying and improving it. I am working through a drawing course and will be able to complete it in a couple of weeks because I have the time available to spend on it. This website is often produced when others are watching TV.

When my wife and I moved into our last apartment, we left our TV in storage. Because it wasn’t there to tempt us, we were able to spend more time with each other. We weren’t just sitting beside each other watching TV, but made our relationship even stronger by talking to each other and sharing experiences/activities. Your time doesn’t have to be spent on hobbies, it can be used to build relationships.

But I really like my shows!

I’ve got some shows that I love to watch, too. Unfortunately, I’m horrible about catching them when they’re on; I’ll get caught up in what I’m doing and lose track of time. Furthermore, I dislike commercials and hate having to wait until next week to see what happens. In order to get around all of these troubles, I wait until the season comes out on DVD and watch it then. Often I can borrow it from the library or from friends. I can watch when it’s convenient for me (ideal for when I’m sick and stuck in bed) and don’t have to worry about commercials. I can have friends over and make it into a group activity.

You have to be in control of your time. By watching a 12-episode season on DVD, you can save 4 hours just by cutting out commercials. Since there are no other shows on the DVD, you don’t have to worry about flipping through channels to see what else is on.

Change the Habit

I know that it’s habit to sit down after work and watch some TV to relax. Like any habit, it can be hard to break. You will have to replace it with another activity, and you might need support from others. Take control of your time, choose your activities and be amazed at how many more adventures you can be a part of!

* Actually, the average American watches over 4 hours of Television per day. That’s 60 days, almost 9 weeks!

What Kind of Explorer are You?

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For two weeks we had been doing it all wrong. Finally, it occurred to us: we are not urban tourists.

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What kind of explorer are you? Are you excited by gardens or architecture; do you prefer the historic or the cutting edge parts of town? You already know what interests you, though you might have to decide to focus on those things. Try as you might, until you do, your adventures will not be as fulfilling as they could be.

We spent the first night of a trip following friends around looking for a pub to visit; we have no interest in pubs, though and did not enjoy ourselves – we do not imbibe and prefer more subdued music. Instead, we are coffee beans. We eagerly search out new shops, where we compare our favorite drinks and appreciate the decor over conversation. While there we satisfy our sweet tooth by sampling the offered desserts. This type of exploration is much more our style, motivating us and providing energy. As much as we enjoy our friends’ company, my wife and I much prefer striking out on our own.

What kind of explorer you are influences where you go. Do you want to see the natural areas or tour the city? Since we are visiting a new (to us) country we have been touring the cities and towns, “seeing the sights.” Other than a few monuments and historic buildings, all cities are the same to us. We don’t care about shopping or seeing what the stores have to offer. Once we’ve seen those highlights, we’re left with a city that we have no interest in. At an ancient castle, though, we won’t even have made it inside before most visitors are leaving. We will spend all day exploring the garden and grounds, seeing where all the trails go and watching the wildlife. If that is the only place that we visit, we will be more than thrilled.

This is something that my wife and I consider every year. At least once a year my wife and I go white water rafting. We have two different destinations available within a 5 hour drive. We can travel down to Tennessee, spend the whole weekend and raft on a level 3/4 river for about $150 each (gas, food, camping, rafting, everything), or we can head over to West Virginia for a 4/5 river that costs about $150 for the day trip (just rafting). It’s a no-brainer for us. We are rather frugal and like our money to go further. We prefer to spend the entire weekend; we get to go hiking in the mountains, we carry our climbing gear so we can do some climbing, there is a cave nearby that we can explore, and we get to go rafting! The river is not quite as wild, but it is still a great experience, and the other activities available more than make up for any difference in the rivers.

Don’t think that this is just something that you need to consider when visiting somewhere new; it applies to places near to home as well. When you visit the nearby lake, do you want to go fishing, swimming or rock skipping? All three require different circumstances, found at different spots along the shore. When visiting the park, are you going there for a quiet stroll in the shade, a brisk jog for exercise, or somewhere private for a picnic? These different goals might be best suited at completely different parks, separate locations within the park, or during varying times of day.

Now that we have consciously thought about our preferences, our trips have been much better suited for us. We might never do some of the things that our fellow students are doing, but we will visit other places they will never see. These differences in our respective trips will provide the extra personal meaning that we are searching for.

What Do You Do When You Burn the Porridge?

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What happens when things don’t go according to plan? How do you react when your grand adventure falls flat on its face?

My wife and I purchased some porridge at the store recently. Excitedly, we prepared it for breakfast a few days later. Since we have not yet mastered the metric system, we managed to make twice as much as we needed to. Since we have also not yet mastered the hodge-podge of cooking utensils our apartment came equipped with, we managed to burn that double portion. With a generous helping of sugar I ate mine and was not horrified with the results. My wife, however, has not had the *ahem* educational *ahem* experience of initially learning to cook over a campfire without the foresight to bring spare food. She was quite disappointed with the results.

In the end, everything worked out well. We tried again the next day with much better results. Now we look forward to our porridge, it’s a great way to start off a cold and over-cast day.

When your adventure doesn’t work out as you planned, how do you react? Do you give up and remain in a sour mood, dampening your fellow adventurers’ spirits? Perhaps you just shrug it off and continue doggedly to the next stage of your plan. I suggest that you seek the silver lining; there is almost always a good point to any mishap. We did not realize that the directions for the hob (stove) were for two servings until we made it and realized that we had far more than we could eat. Since it was burned, we did not feel bad about throwing the “extra” out. If it has been made properly we would have tried to eat all of it, making ourselves miserable. The burn actually worked out in our favor.

I know it can be hard to find the silver lining, especially if you are cold, wet, lost, hungry or otherwise inconvenienced. Keep in mind that this is only one small part of the adventure, don’t let it overwhelm you. There is still more to do, time to do it in, and other adventures to have!

Go With the Flow – An Exercise In Changing the Plan

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A few weekends ago some friends from school came down and visited us. They wanted to spend some time together before we headed off to Ireland for the semester. Of course, their plan changed at least 7 times over the course of the weekend. They were going to come down Saturday; no, they were coming down Friday; they were leaving Monday morning to head to St. Louis to meet some other friends; they weren’t going to St. Louis, so they were staying with us till Monday evening; we were going with them to St. Louis…. In the end, no one went to St. Louis (we all hit snooze and then just turned our alarms off), so we showed them some of our favorite local spots (including some fabulous cake… if you’re ever in the Paducah, KY area, be sure and visit The Upper Crust bakery).

How many adventures do you miss out on because they’re not “part of the plan”? My wife and I debated if we should go to St. Louis, as it hadn’t been figured into our budget. Finally we decided that it was silly to miss out on an adventure with some good friends over a small budget overlook (we had the money, we just knew that a bunch of expenses were coming up with the Ireland trip. Don’t over-extend yourself financially, as that will really mess up your adventuring.) We could have saved ourselves some stress if we had been a little more open to short-term changes in our long-term plan.

Going to Paducah was never even mentioned. We had plans for Saturday, which were not all completed due to a shortage of time and sunlight. Sunday was dictated by the whims of my niece, who led us around on some fabulous adventures there at the house. Monday, the fabled trip to St. Louis. We all slept late (apparently we needed it), then decided to head to the city for some exploring. We tried a new restaurant, walked briskly around town (too cold for us!), explored the local painters’ gallery, and headed over to the Upper Crust for some cake and coffee. The whole weekend was wonderful, even if 2/3 of our plans didn’t quite work out. We didn’t allow them to upset us or ruin the rest of our day. We laughed about it and continued on in a new direction.

If something doesn’t go according to plan, it does not have to be a bad thing. New opportunities are now open. You have the perfect chance, and excuse, to explore! Maybe your car broke down in an unknown area; while waiting for help to arrive, explore the area. Perhaps someone you are meeting is running a bit late; grab the camera and snap some photos. Are you hungry and happen to see a new restaurant? Stop by and try them out, you don’t always have to go somewhere familiar.

Take advantage of this chance to do something new!

The Importance of Packing Light

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“No one ever wished they packed heavier.”

Before heading out to Ireland, I re-packed my bag a number of times (as you can read about here). After much effort, my wife and I managed to narrow our luggage down to a carry-on and single suitcase apiece. This amount was enough to provide everything we needed while in Ireland for four and a half months, but was small enough that we could easily carry it ourselves. Fortunately so, it turned out, as we managed to get off the bus sooner than necessary and had to walk an extra mile through Dublin while carrying our stuff.

During our trip we ran into a fellow student who did not subscribe to our theory of packing light. Following him off the bus, we realized that he had 5 pieces of luggage: 2 suitcases, a gym bag, a carry-on and a guitar. How does one person manage all of this stuff? We still don’t know, as we volunteered to help carry since we were traveling to the same destination. He bravely carried all but the guitar. The carry-on was strapped around his shoulders, the gym bag was perched on top of a suitcase, and he rolled the suitcases behind him, one in each hand. While this arrangement would probably work fine on the smooth floors inside an airport, it was rather cumbersome on the uneven streets of the city. The gym bag kept falling off and getting drug on the ground, and the double suitcases were too wide and everyone had to walk around him. Not to mention the guitar, which I was carrying.

How did we do it? How did we manage to carry everything for four and a half months in a suitcase and carry-on each? I did have the advantage of not bringing my guitar along, so I automatically eliminated one item from my packing list. Otherwise, we realized that we generally wear the same clothes week to week anyway, and started with those. Instead of bringing bulky coats and a lot of extra sweaters, we packed based on the layering system (the backpacking background comes in handy sometimes!) We included a base-layer of thermals that can be worn underneath our jeans and shirts. With a sweater added on top, and a windproof rain-jacket over that, we will be toasty warm in some very cold temperatures, colder than it is likely to get while we are here. Just in case, we did add in a dressy outfit and pair of shoes to match.

There is more to packing than just clothes, though. What about all of the other stuff that we use on a daily basis? Since we were planning on finding a furnished apartment, we did not need to carry any bed linens or cooking gear. If needed, we could purchase a set of sheets upon arriving (we didn’t). We had the laptop and a couple of 3-ring binders with paper for school use, as well as the necessary plug-converters for the laptop and whatever writing instruments would be necessary. Entertainment-wise, we brought the knitting supplies that we thought would be needed during the time we were in Ireland, as well as the GPSr and Palm for GeoCaching. We threw in some books and a sketch pad for some additional entertainment. The only other things we could think that we use on a daily basis are toiletries. Just the basics: some soap, shampoo, and deodorant, q-tips, razor, toothbrush and toothpaste, a washcloth and our PackTowels. The only other items were a blanket or sleeping bag and a travel pillow for use on the plane and when traveling.

Have you ever really thought about what all you use in the course of an average day? You might be surprised how little it is. Hygiene products, clothes and some entertainment. Obviously we weren’t bringing our vehicle, we’ve seen all of our movies (and are not big TV watchers anyway), have our music saved on the laptop and will be using provided equipment to cook and eat from. Since the hairdryer would have needed a converter anyway, it was easier to purchase one after arriving here (this and the sheets were the only things we planned to purchase after arriving, and the sheets only if needed).

The small amount of stuff combined with some good packing techniques allowed us to fit everything inside our suitcases. We had enough room left-over that we managed to fit my wife’s bathrobe (which she was most thankful for), some snacks for the plane, an empty water bottle, and a spare duffel bag in case our luggage weighed too much.

Not only was our minimal luggage easy to carry while traipsing around town looking for the train station, but it came in handy a number of other times. While on the bus and the train, it was simple to find a place to store everything. The lift (elevator) was out at the hostel, so we had to carry our luggage up four flights of stairs. Repacking once we found a place to stay was a quick matter. Unpacking and moving into our flat was a quick matter that only took about 10 minutes.

If you’re getting ready to pack for a trip, here is the most useful advice that I can pass on. Take half as much as you think you will need, and twice as much money.

A Free Tool that can Help You Take Charge of Your Finances

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You might be wondering, “What does personal finance have to do with adventuring?” Everything. Your personal finances affect not only which adventures you can afford, but also how long you get to go adventuring and how much you get to enjoy the experience. By being in charge of your personal finances, you can maximize all three of these areas.

Many adventures can be had for free or for only a minimal cost. Why don’t more people take advantage of them? Many people just don’t have the time; they’re too busy working to pay the bills. Others might have the time but are too stressed about their finances to enjoy an adventure if they were on one.

Are you one of those people? Do you spend too much time worrying about your finances, or working to pay off debt? I can help you. There is one small secret to taking control of your finances. Once you are in charge of your money, you can pay off your debt and then save up to afford the adventure of your dreams. It will take time, and it will not be easy, but you can afford any adventure that you can think of. Are you ready for the secret?

“Spend less than you make.”

It’s not impressive, and it’s not complicated. However, it can still be quite challenging, especially in today’s credit culture. Applied correctly, this one idea is enough to get out of any amount of debt and build up substantial savings, while providing great peace of mind.

Let’s start with a couple of important questions, whose answers might surprise you. Do you know how much you spend each month? Do you know where that money goes? I know that my wife and I did not expect the results we got when we started tracking our expenses after getting married. We discovered that 20% of our grocery bill is spent on individual $1-5 purchases. This means that if we were to create a weekly menu, buy all of the necessary ingredients over the weekend, and quit making ice cream runs, we could save that 20%. That dollar amount is more than it costs us to go camping all weekend, including the tank of gas. The ice cream wasn’t that good!

We have met many people who are surprised at how much they spend eating out. A $5 coffee every day adds up pretty quick! ($5 * 30 = $150 a month in java!) Add in another $5 for lunch and that’s $300 a month, not including suppers and snacks. We purchased an expresso machine and carry our lunches most days and save a couple hundred dollars a month. Once we saw how much it costs to eat out every day, it was a no-brainer for us; we have more important things to spend our money on.

It’s not hard to track your expenses and discover how much you spend where. All you really need is a sheet of paper and a pen. Write down how much you spend, and what on. Keep the “what on” categories separated, and at the end of the month just add up all of the numbers. Viola! Now you know how much you spend.

While it doesn’t get much simpler than that, it does get easier. When I first started tracking my money, I did as stated above, but used a spreadsheet instead of a piece of paper. It wasn’t long before I started adding features to my simple spreadsheet. Eventually I ended up with a system that allows me to not only know where my money is being spent, but which account it comes from (while balancing those accounts), a budgeting system, and it keeps a running monthly average that helps me create an accurate budget.

Get your copy of this spreadsheet here (directions included), so that you can start taking control of your finances. I want you to go on that dream adventure of yours. All you have to do is simply keep your receipt for each purchase you make and enter the amount into the spreadsheet (I save all of mine for a week or so). Once you know how much you are spending and have identified some areas you can cut back, do so. It might not be easy to see these places, but they are there. After tracking for a couple of months, you can create a realistic budget (this might include cutting back on some of your spending) and then use the tracking to help you stick to it.

Once you have cut back on your spending, you can take that “extra money” and apply it towards paying off your debt (besides the mortgage). Pay only the minimum on all of your bills, except the smallest, where you will focus. Apply the rest of your money towards this smallest debt. Once it is paid off, focus on the next smallest. Repeat until debt free. This debt snowball (the payment amount grows larger as it keeps going, like a snowball rolling downhill) can reduce staggering amounts of debt in an excitingly short time.

Why pay off your debt first? You don’t only want to have the money for your adventure, but you also want to be able to relax and enjoy it. Once your bills are paid off, once you are free of debt, a stress will lift off your shoulders, a stress that you might not even know you had. Your adventure will be sweeter without the specter of debt hovering over you.

Since your expenditures have been cut back, and your debt is gone, you can now live on less money. This means that your time can be freed up by working less. Overtime is not necessary anymore! (Unless you want to save up for something.)

This is the point that my wife and I are nearly at and are striving to reach. We need work only a minimal amount of hours each week to meet our financial needs. Our only debt consists of student loans (which are not currently due). We have the time available to go on adventures because work does not take up our lives; through planning and working a bit extra we can afford those adventures; since we do not have loan payments due, we can thoroughly enjoy ourselves. Once we finish college, we will focus our energies on knocking out the school loans, then we’ll be able to apply that money towards even grander adventures. All that from counting pennies!

If you want more advice on taking control of your finances, I highly recommend Dave Ramsey’s books. Or you can pick them up at your local library. 😀

10 Ways to Make Her Valentine’s Day Special

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Are you ready to make her Valentine’s Day special? This doesn’t necessarily mean having flowers ordered and chocolate ready to go (unless that is what really makes her happy). Have you planned something that will show her how special she is, how much she means to you? In no particular order, here are 10 ideas to get you started:

  1. Have an indoor picnic.
    It might be too cold to eat outside, but you can still have a romantic picnic. You already have the perfect location available. Clear the floor by pushing furniture back and lay down a clean sheet or blanket. Set two complete dinner places: placemats, long-stemmed glasses, everything. Don’t forget to include some long-stemmed candles.
    The meal does not have to be fancy, this is almost a case where it is the effort that counts (it does need to be edible). Quality company will more than make up for a mediocre meal. If you are not an experienced cook, I have always had luck with pasta. You can purchase tortellini that only needs to be boiled and then add a jar of her favorite sauce. Buy a loaf of fresh bread and slice it, add some butter and toast it in the oven. This simple meal is fast to prepare, easy to cook, and delicious.
  2. Write her a Letter.
    Make the time to write a message meant just for her. You don’t have to be a wordsmith for it to be special for her, it just has to be heart-felt. Here are some questions to help get you started:

    • How has she made your life better?
    • What does she do that you look forward to every day?
    • Why were you first attracted to her?
    • Why is she more attractive to you now than when you first started dating?
    • What are her unconscious habits that you have noticed?
  3. Bake her favorite dessert.
    Like the picnic meal, this is almost a case where it is the effort that counts. If you take the trouble to make a cake, or brownies, or cheesecake, it will not matter if they are not perfect. The cake can be a little lopsided, the icing doesn’t have to be perfectly smooth, it will still taste wonderful. (Again, they do have to be edible, so follow those directions closely!) Ask the best baker you know for a recipe if you don’t already have one. Not only will this make her day, but you get to enjoy the final results with her.
  4. Give her a massage.
    Everyone loves a good massage. Take some time and treat her to one. You don’t have to be great, you just have to be willing to put in a good effort. She will tell you if something feels good, so just keep doing what she likes.
  5. Prepare her a bath.
    Draw a nice hot bath, include her favorite bath salts or oils (perhaps even bubbles!) and lead the way. Have her bathrobe and slippers ready when she gets out. Meet her with a fresh cup of her favorite drink. Spoil her.
  6. Spend the day together with no distractions.
    You have to spend time with her, time when you are focused completely on her. This focused time is one of her basic needs. One of the greatest gifts you can give her (anytime, not just for Valentine’s Day) is to spend time with her. So put away the cell phone, turn off the TV and computer and just talk to each other. You can talk over a meal, with mugs of tea in your hands, on a drive or a walk. Discuss your hopes and fears, dreams and ideas. Share your plans for the future and regrets of the past. Grow closer to one another.
  7. Watch her favorite movie with her.
    Get comfy on the couch. Put on your PJ’s, curl up underneath a blanket together, grab some snacks and sit back for her favorite movie. Absolutely no complaining on your part!
  8. Buy her something she wants but would never buy herself.
    This cannot be something practical. It has to be something she really wants but is not willing to buy for herself, or that she is waiting to buy. This doesn’t have to be something big, it just has to be something important to her. It might be a book she’s been wanting, a piece of jewelry she’s been eyeing, or some clothing that she would not get for herself.
  9. Go on a date.
    Sweep her off your feet like you used to. Make reservations at her favorite restaurant (an alternate is to recreate your first date). Do something besides watch a movie afterwards, perhaps go bowling or some other activity that allows you to interact (movies don’t allow you to talk, you want to find something that does).
  10. Do the chores so she doesn’t have to.
    It is her day, after all. Make it special by removing some of the day-to-day stuff. Are there chores that she always takes care of? Today you can give her a pleasant surprise by doing them for her.

None of these are hard, and most do not have to be expensive. They all can show that you care enough to put some thought into your Valentine’s Day gift, which is what she really wants!